September is...

Most of you know how near and dear this is to my heart. Kids with cancer. Unfortunately a phrase that I've come to know too well. However, this post is not meant to make you sad, but instead to shine some light on the hope and courage that this month represents. I have spent the past 4 years caring for kids (and adults) with cancer. And I don't consider it a job, but a privilege. I get to be around some of the most amazing and uplifting people and I truly do learn something from them every day.

People often ask me, "Isn't that really depressing?" or "Gosh, that's super sad." I'm not going to lie and say there aren't days that I don't scream in my head and ask "Why!?" Why that person? Why that family? Why an innocent child? I can't honestly say that God has answered me either. And although I have yet to hear a loud and clear answer from Him,  I can tell you I have witnessed amazing things that explain it all. God is still present. I have never felt Him as much as I have in those hospital rooms. Amidst the struggling. Amidst the fear. There is peace. And it truly does surpass all understanding.

I have witnessed death. But I have witnessed life. My eyes have been inundated with tears. And my mouth has been infected with laughter. We're all in this together. And that's why it's our responsibility to help!

One of the best things I ever did for my career was volunteer to be a nurse at Camp Esperanza. This camp provides an opportunity for kids being treated at Children's Medical Center Dallas to go have fun for an entire week, something that for some is a rare thing. Donations made to the Bridewell Foundation help fund the camp's operations, allowing for an amazing memorable week for these brave fighters. I didn't realize at the time how wonderful it is to see the kids we treat at their sickest time, turn around and have fun again. They play, they laugh, they relate to one another. It is truly a magical week that I was very fortunate to be a part of in 2010. 

One camper, in particular, had been through hell and back throughout the 12 months prior to camp. Diagnosed with a rare cancer called PNET (Primitive Neuroectodermal Embriogenic Tumor) this kid was one of the sickest I've seen. Due to the location of his tumor, he was unable to eat for weeks upon end, had countless surgeries and was hooked up to multiple tubes and monitors making it impossible to play or even attempt to do anything. So he sat there. For months. One day, the Dr.'s told him they may be able to advance him to a regular diet if he had a bowel movement. So I prayed, encouraged, pleaded for this kid to poo. All he wanted was some macaroni and cheese from KFC of all places. For days we waited. Finally, one day while I was taking care of him, the magic happened. I came in to check on him and he told me the good news. I literally jumped up and down and did a dance out of pure joy for him. He just sat there and looked at me. He never smiled despite all my attempts to crack jokes and make him laugh. I thought surely my poo dance would cheer him up!

I came in hours later as his dad was bringing him in the first solid food he'd eaten in months...mac'n cheese. As he opened the lid of the container and the aroma reached his nose, the biggest smile crept across his face. Pure joy. After he took his first bite, savoring every morsel, the smile just grew as he basked in the utmost satisfaction of his favorite dish. Of course I was smiling right along with him and said "Buddy, I've never seen someone get so excited about mac'n cheese!" and without a moments hesitation he looked me straight in the eyes and said "I've never seen someone get so excited about poop!" I died laughing. And so did he.

From then on I had a blast every time I took care of him. He pretended to be sleeping when I came to flush his central line and when I pulled back the covers a big fake rat was there to greet me. He put food coloring in his urinal so I would freak when I went to empty it's contents. But above all, he took the time to ask questions about me. As a 10 year old he was wise beyond his years. He asked me about my life, my hopes, my dreams. And he remembered things that I said and genuinely cared about me. One of the most selfless people I've ever met.

His cancer came back right before camp started. But that didn't stop him from going. My favorite memory of the entire week was the all camp dance with him. All the kids were having a blast and dancing their little hearts out, some with feeding tubes, some bald, some without a leg or an arm. And no one looked at anyone differently, because it was these differences that bonded them. I went to sit beside my little buddy during one song because he was tiring out a little faster than the others. "Did you know my cancer's back?" he asked as I sat down beside him. "I did know that," I answered. We sat there for a few moments in silence and I put my arm around him. We stayed this way for a few minutes and then he asked boldly, "Wanna dance?" a smile crossed his face as he looked straight into my eyes. "Of course I do!" I said and shot out of my seat and onto the dance floor. Just like that...he understood and so did I. A moment I will never forget.

I knew I wouldn't see my brave friend after camp was over. I was moving to Seattle and he would then face the toughest battle of his life. But in that moment, all that mattered was that dance. And what a fitting song it was...

We threw our hands up in the air, started a conga line and had a blast. I love the line "I wanna celebrate and live my life," because that's what we did that night. And I will never forget it.

It's kiddos like these that make everyday worth going to work for. And they make everyday worth fighting for too. I know my fellow nurses and doctors would echo this sentiment too because it's true. Greatest job on earth :-)

For those of you wondering, "How can I help?" Lots of ways!

1. Donate money- to camps, to research, to hospitals, every little bit helps!
2. Donate blood or platelets- google your nearest blood center and ask them how you can donate
3. Get your cheek swabbed- become part of the bone marrow donor registry

Love on the kids in your life today. Give them lots of hugs and cherish every moment. Let them run and laugh and play. And support those little ones who are fighting to get out there and do the same.

xo,